Approval

The innate need for approval seems to be universal. As pole dancing progresses, we demand a greater level of approval of everyone from our parents to world recognized competitions like the olympics.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am thankful I have the approval and support of my parents. My Dad, who is traveling around the world on a sailboat with my 12 yr. old little bro and my stepmother, called me from the middle of the ocean yesterday and we caught up on things. His approval of my life truly affirms me in ways that are deeper than I had imagined now that I am in my mid twenties. I thought of approval being more important when you are young, but I feel that it matters more and more to me as I come into adulthood. My mother is also supportive in a different kind of way. She doesn't disapprove outwardly of what I do with pole dancing, but she isn't exactly happy about the path that I've chosen either. I know that she would prefer me to get a normal 9-5 job that has a set salary and health benefits, but instead I am teaching pole dance, doing odd jobs for extra income, and running Jagged. I do have larger goals in mind that will make my life more stable in the way that she wants, but still involve the art I am so passionate about: pole dancing. She seems to shower approval on me only when I am successful in public ways such as being on America's Best Dance Crew or being the subject of a documentary, yet every time we talk it seems that I cannot win her approval (typical mom right!). She is either disapproving or benevolent. My mom does support me every now and then financially for example, when I need to fly back to LA for last minute Jagged business, for which I am thankful.

My parents approve of me in different ways, but of the two the one that has the greatest influence in my life is my father's. I can tell from the pride I hear in his voice and the way he beams at me when he tells me word for word how proud he is of all that I am doing and all that I have done. It wouldn't matter to him if it were pole dancing or rocket science. I can feel so lost and unsure at times and he makes me feel like I'm on the right track. The emotional gratification I get from that is painfully awesome! I respect his opinion because he is always real with me and tells me when I'm out of line or supports my thinking.

Some people are not so lucky. I had a regular pole student who is the sweetest hard working girl, and I asked her if she would like to help out at one of our Jagged South show's in Nashville wiping poles since she was planning on attending. At first she was really excited about it...most people in the south haven't been seen on a pole publicly outside of a strip club. Being from California, these things aren't so uncommon haha. Later, she told me that her father is a pastor and her pole dancing classes are a secret from him. Her mom knows but she was mortified at the idea of her daughter being seen anywhere near a pole publicly, and didn't even want her going to the show at all. She still came against her mother's wishes, but she didn't end up wiping poles and just stood to the side of the stage the whole time. Her mother's feelings about it mattered to her enough to respect not actually getting on the pole yet she was brave enough to defy her in being simply being present simultaneously wanting approval and tossing up the middle finger.

Most of us pole dancers don't give a crap in the first place because we're POLE DANCERS for god sakes! With the exception of the dancers who may have corporate jobs and want it to stay part of their private life, there are constantly pole pictures and videos bombarding my facebook newsfeed! I don't think twice about it in California, but here in the South I find myself being slightly more timid about random things. I was actually embarrassed carrying my pole through downtown to set up at a venue in broad daylight. In LA I wouldn't think twice and would even relish in watching peoples' expressions, shock, or questions. I think it's because here it's less shocking and more judgement being passed. I get nervous to interview a new potential roomie because there's a pole in my living room and I know I'll have to face the age old back and forth:

Random Person: "WHOA is that a stripper pole?" Me: "Yeah...well it's just a pole you can leave out the stripper part" RP: "So are you a stripper?" Me: "No I'm a pole dancer" RP: "So exotic dancer?" Me: "No, I pole dance but with my clothes on" RP: "...?" Me: "WELL I have this dance company called Jagged.."

AND SO ON. I have had to patiently explain these things to people time and time again and they usually still don't get it and keep making dirty jokes until they see it in person or take a class.

On a global scale, I think the entire pole dance community is asking for approval in so many ways. Through ever more serious competitions, published books, street poling, and fight for pole dancing to be accepted as an olympic sport we seek to be recognized world wide "OFFICIALLY!" I am all for it! Will I be an aspiring olympian? Probably not. I think it would be an amazing step forward on the whole towards a greater approval around the world, but I do it for the joy of pole dancing itself (and a little extra money!).

It is painful not to have the approval of those around you for something you love so much in any aspect of your life whether it be a relationship, a career, or even pole dancing. This is an insatiable need even if you understand you cannot ever have it from some people. All you can do is make yourself happy and do it because of your own love for the thing itself. Pole dancing in particular is such a niche community (although growing all the time!) that we tend to band together, so you can take comfort in the knowledge that we support you! :D I've met some of my best friends through pole dancing, and I feel the support and the love all the time from strangers on the other side of the globe through things as simple as a facebook like! Approval may never be had, but we will persevere.

Take all those negative thoughts and feelings, and let it fuel your success. You can't spend your whole life dedicated to those who disapprove of you and proving them wrong, but if you love it and you prove them wrong at the same time it'll mean that much more to you for the fight you put up! I can only hope I continue on the upward track and that I don't end up eating my words haha.

Jessica